Before our boys were born, I was blessed with three beautiful baby girls. Each girl presented their own challenges, but each provided a unique love. Andi brought me perseverance. Bree brought me growth. Caidence brought me self-love. Each girl made my life better, I progressed forward as a new parent and a growing person.
I never considered what raising boys would bring me. I didn’t ever think I’d have a son, let alone two sons. So, when the boys were born I wasn’t sure what I would feel. It was different when I had the boys, I’d never had a NICU baby, it was my first c-section, I wasn’t able to hold them right away. It was a disconnect. I couldn’t feel for someone I hadn’t even seen. Heck, I couldn’t even tell them apart in the pictures that were taken. I was promised I would be able to wheel by and see them on the way back to my room. I was wheeled on a bed, through a hallway. I got to see their incubators, I didn’t get to see them. It was an immediate disconnect from the two little men who had shared the womb. I worried if I would be able to love them. I wondered if they would even “know” me.
The disconnect didn’t last long. NICU was a magical place, full of amazing people who cared for my boys like their own. It was even harder when I had to leave each day, not knowing what they were doing or what was happening. I didn’t want to be a burden, so I would only call once a day. Once Dax came home, I was able to bond with him. It was a whole new love. When Emrick came home, it was undeniable. These boys were “different”.
There is nothing like the snuggle of your baby boy(s). There is nothing like the smiles. There is nothing like the boy(s) becoming a “mama’s boy”. He just loves his mama all that much. And maybe, maybe I’m crazy. Or maybe, maybe I yearned for a boy for so long that this love was always there.
Perhaps I’m not crazy. Perhaps you are a boy mom too, you’re reading this and feeling the same way. Raising boys is just… different.